Beer Geeks

This is from Capital Ale House's weekly email (out of Virginia).  It's Richmond Beer Week...This cracked me up!

A field guide to the beer geek.

Sneakaschlitzacus - the just turned 21 drinker.
Favorite beer- Free beer.
Catchphrase- “Why would I buy a twelve pack when I can get a 30 pack for the same price?”
Description- Still living in his parent’s basement, this species values quantity over quality. Although this classification is not without hope and will one day evolve, they place a large value in throwing tiny light balls into red plastic cups. Sometime also known as Kegostandicus.
  

Beerhipsticus- my beer is better than yours guy.
Favorite beer- The nastiest, earthiest tasting sour he can find!
Catchphrase- “It’s all about the Belgians brah!”
Description- Always trying to prove his beer superiority, this species is always found at parties cornering someone and talking so much about beer that he can turn them off of craft beer forever. The hipster doesn’t like it unless HE is drinking it and it better be high in alcohol or it will fall into his other catchphrase “Tastes a little thin”. – The Richmond Hipsticus may sometimes be seen with a PBR in hand. They actually don’t consider this beer, it is more a beer flavored water for them and for some reason very acceptable.

Humulushopsicus- the hophead.
Favorite beer- Hops, hops, hops! It isn't good unless it destroys your tastebuds in the process.
Catchphrase- “It’s sooooooo well balanced!”
Description- The only thing better than an IPA is if you put “Imperial” in front of it. The hophead would sooner suffer castration than drink a typical yellow swill beer. Often liking a beer for the level of bitterness, the hophead will typically pick a single variety of hops and use that as their go to “favorite” hop even though they would probably never be able to identify it in a blind taste test.

Magnusbockrexicus- the Lager snob.
Favorite beer- If it’s from Germany, they are happy.
Catchphrase- “Mmmmmmmmmmmalty!”
Description- The lager snob has probably been to Germany or the Czech Republic at least once and prefers a large mug to a footed glass. They love their beer a little on the sweet side and will most likely prefer to sit in a booth over the bar. The “lagerhead” is also immersed in the German culture and probably has a pair of lederhosen. They also compare every party to Oktoberfest.

Rasputinvigoraticus- the Stout drinker.
Favorite beer- Anything Black as coal. From Guinness to Old Rasputin.
Catchphrase- “A meal in a glass”
Description- The stout drinker is very elusive and hard to find in the warmer months. When it does get colder though, they are out in droves. A very difficult species to identify, the stout drinker can be seen with the stinkiest cigar or asking for a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Craftusconnoiseuricus- The well balanced beer lover.
Favorite beer- He will never say.
Catchphrase- “We all gained an hour today. I think the only logical thing to do with it is to enjoy a beer.”
Description- Probably the hardest to find of all the geekies. Each of the other species truly believe this is they are perceived. The connoisseur will have a twinkle in their eye as they drink. They are quick to say “Here try this” or “What is your opinion?” Often considered fun to hang out with and more often, the one who most people will gravitate to at a beer event. They usually have a one glass of water for every glass of beer rule- having learned that the hard way!

If you see one of these "Geeks" this week, don't be afraid, just order a beer and approach with caution. Unless that geek you see happens to be in the mirror.